It's Not Always Easy

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You know, it's not like I wake up and say, "I won't give any man a chance unless he's Asian." It's not like I stalk Chinese restaurants or nail salons in hopes that a Chinese guy there takes notice of me. It's not like I'm obsessed with everything Asian. Yeah, I'm open-minded to cultural differences. I don't mind learning an Asian language or trying Asian food or listening to Asian music.

I don't mind at all because I feel that's how I grow and learn as an individual. But because I display the slightest interest in other cultures, I somehow become the weirdo; the child that just wants to embarrass her family. I become naive and stupid. All of this because I simply choose not to live inside a box; because I want don't believe in that "separate but equal" BS from the civil rights movement.

These days I always avoid trying to talk about me. I tend to come off as unfriendly or cold because of that but it gets tiring defending your ideals and beliefs. It really does. And I think to myself, is this really worth it?

Why not just let Asian guys keep procreating with Asian girls? Everybody will be happy and we'll still all be oppressed by the "separate but equal" deal. Sometimes, I think I'd rather not be attracted to Asian guys. I'd only rather just date black guys. Which I do mostly anyway nowadays. But even with the sweetest of guys, I never truly feel like "he's the one!"

Even still, we can walk down the street together and nobody stares. I can bring him home and my family will be relieved that at the very least he's black. I can be accepted by everyone if I just stick to dating a person of my own race. No judgments, no explanations, no lips curling up and eye rolling because they just can't understand why.

But then I look at my daughter, who happens to be half West Asian. I think how beautiful she is and how sweet she can be at times and I know for a fact. My daughter is the end all be all of my world and I realize every time I look at her that race really doesn't matter. She doesn't see color when she looks at me; she only sees her mommy, whom she loves dearly. She is proud to hold my hand and gives me hugs and tell everyone that'll listen to her that I'm her mommy. There is no complicated issues of race between us.

So, in the end, race doesn't matter when there is love to give you strength.

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ForeLone's picture

I completely understand and know where you are coming from. People are just noisy and too much of a "Crab in the barrow".

When my wife and I were still dating, we received our fair share of stares and verbal noisiness. By the way, they still do that when we go to a Black, Hispanic, or Chinese/Asian-Oriental neighborhood. Here is how we dealt with these people and situations. We only live in a very neutral neighborhood that does not care about Blacks or Asians (aka: middle class neighborhood); and if we do have to go to a Black, Hispanic, or Chinese dominant neighborhood, we just keep our heads up high and power it through. In other words, don't let them know you are uncomfortable, some people can smell fear a mile away. If that didn't work, we confront and defuse right there and then.

With family, it is always a little harder. I did not disown my family, but I wasn't about to let them brute force me into giving up my one chance of happiness. It took a lot of time, patients, and education for them to understand that being Black is not a crime. That the shade of your skin doesn't define what you can achieve in life. Believe me, I have called people in my family RACIST! They flat out denied it, but when it comes down to it, that was what they are. But like I said, they are family. You would have to try harder to educate them and over time they will understand that this is who you are and that person is who you would like to be with. Because at the end of the day, it is going to be your life and your happiness. I do not think that your father, or mother, or brother, or sister is going to take care of you and your needs like that...

JaydeDragon's picture

I completely understand what you mean. I've always been a rebel myself so my family already knows I don't care what they think. It's not that I don't love them but that would be like the pot calling the kettle black. In my family we have other races due to intermingling and I love it. It's cool for the men to do it but soon as one of us women have that idea then we get the stares or how the "Black man....." speech. This isn't something I just woke up and said "Oh yeah, I think I will try an Asian guy now." No, I've been this way since I was a little girl, probably at birth for all I know. The fact that you have that beautiful little girl is proof of love coming in all shapes and form. Step on, Girl, do what you do and go for what you want. Oh yeah, the next time somebody asks you why ask them why they like a particular flavor of ice cream. Bet they can't answer you LOL.