Personal Thought #2

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If you meet someone and find out they have a kid, it is not your place to tell that person that no one will date them and that they've 'lost value' because of it. I was told this by a member. I was too shocked by his words to tell him,

"How dare you tell me that?! You're entitled to your own opinion, but your opinion does not reflect the whole Asian race or any other people! What you told me was rude and I'd like to think you were brought up better... And you wonder why you're not having much luck with African-American women."

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Telling someone that is ignorant. You do not know the circumstances of the situation. Having a child does not make you go down in value. In fact I think it makes you go up!! Why? Because you are more caring towards others with kids and you know how to sacrifice and be a good mother/father to any future kids you may have. I have 2 kids? Am I devalued? Hell no! I am smart, I work hard, take nothing from anyone...I work for everything I have and I live well and provide well..all on my own. Did I choose to be single with 2 kids? no...but in my case I had good reason. The man I was kids dad...well he was white and asian. When we met he didnt tell me his family hated blacks. They lived far aay and only visited on holidays. Well....when they finally met me...they took one look at me and said."We don't want black people in our family." TRUTHFULLY. After that they proceeded to treat me and my kids like dirt and when they would have family gatherings me and my kids were banned...we never got gifts on holidays or birthdays. I stayed with him for like 2-3 years afterwards but the sadness became too much and I chose to walk away. I couldnt see myself dealing with that for the rest of my life.being hated for what I was when they never even gave me a chance. So tell I wrong and undatable for having kids? For walking away from a situation that would have made me miserable forever. I still want to be married and have more I hopeless? I dont think so.

ForeLone's picture

SessPriestess, Thank you for sharing your story with us. I posted a similar experience you might be interested in reading about.

Being a parent is unconditional; nobody without that experience would come close to understanding what we as parents go through everyday in our lives. We live for our kid(s), can't wait for them to grow up, and at the same time wish that they can remind little.

I just want to say that I also agree that the person who made the statement has no right to say that no one will date you because you have a child. Everyone must understand that there may be certain circumstances which could be a reason for the child. And its not a bad thing at all that someone has a child. Keep your head up and don't worry about what other people think but about what you think. :)

ForeLone's picture

The person that said that to you does not represent all Asians men nor do I think this community. I personally am not shocked to hear things of this nature said at all. I think this has to do with maturity and knowledge-share of information. People like that do not understand what a single parent has to go through in their daily lives. I am just glad that commuities like Blasianton opens up discussions and sharing knowledges and experiences.

On the bright-side, since Blasianton is currently a start up community, we most likely will not see much of those compared to social networks like Facebook.