Good or Bad Parenting

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ForeLone's picture
Last seen: 3 years 2 hours ago
Joined: 2010-11-09
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Recently there has been several parenting styles that has come to light.

No, I am not just referring to the tiger mom of all Chinese mothers. I am more interested in discussing your average middle-class parents. There has been several cases in Asian and Black families where a parent is too over protective, even to the point where they are dictating to their grow-up child of 18+++ that they can not do this or that. Case in point, thes issue of who to date.

In many forums you would read how the family drove the couple apart, that they where forbidden to be with that person for any of the BLAH BLAH BLAH reasons. I really feel that those parents should take the time to talk to their kids and not be so controlling. I know being a parent is not easy; believe me I know, I am currently one myself. It is hard to discipline them when you don't have time nor patience to. I strongly believe that you sow what you reap. Thus also applies to parenting.

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Ivy's picture
Last seen: 7 years 18 weeks ago
Joined: 2010-12-27
My parents. TL;DR

My parents
My mom only had about seven years of hands-on parenting with me, before my parents separated/divorced, and twelve with my sister; twelve and seventeen, respectively, with our dad. I believe she treated us the way most Korean mothers tend to: being the most strict with the eldest and having a little leniency with the "baby." I was practically attached to her hip. Otherwise, she treated us fairly similarly. Mom always made sure that education came first before play, and she was not the one to deliver much punishment.

My dad was the "punisher," but spankings had stopped for both of us at early ages. He's one of those dads who just give you *that look* to straighten kids up. He being a black, military man was more than enough as a threat. He also pushed for education first and that Bs were just okay (Cs might as well be failures), but I think this was also a rule my mom shared. It must have been tough on him, though, to have had to raise two girls on his own after the divorce since he's what I consider a manly-man. Still, he always knew when to be strict and when to be supportive/loving.

One thing my parents apparently didn't agree on, which never mattered to me, was the topic of dating. I have no idea how long my mom has been asking us if we have boyfriends. It was probably as early as 10 or 11 years old for me since my sister was a teen - she'd just ask us the same questions. My dad, however, told us straight out that we were not allowed to date until we turned 18. I feel that was understandable since he came from a place where teen moms were not unusual as well as having nieces and sisters who were teen mothers. I think it was changed to 16 (my Junior year) for me, but I think it's because he knew I didn't care about dating. Either that or he wanted me to try to be a "normal teen girl." He had to force me to go to my Senior Prom, it was that bad. xD

I feel bad for my sister who was one who had to "grow up" pretty early, but it was due to our parents being divorced. She had to watch me while our dad had to go out for Army training every now and then, so she's been playing "second mom" for me for many years. In return, I have felt like her protector for a long time, even before our parents' divorce; to a point where I have beaten a kid up, threatened kids with knives, and getting into a lot of shouting matches with kids who messed with my sister. I think that because I knew I was the "baby," I wouldn't get into that much trouble with my parents, which... I didn't nearly as much as I now know I should have. LoL. I'm still that way, just not as immature.

I love my parents with all my heart, and I'm grateful to have both, even if I didn't have them equally. I may have been the "bad kid" as I entered my tween years, but it wasn't their fault. I was clearly acting out because of their separation, so they really couldn't do anything besides talk to me, which they did. I never felt unloved or unwanted, and they did the best they could to raise us well, even if they were across country or on the other side of the world.